Post by The Narrator Returns on Jun 23, 2013 15:30:16 GMT -6
I saw Monsters University today, oh boy
Hello, Charlie Kelly here! Local business owner, and monster enthusiast! Is your small child making too much noise all the time? Is your child constantly screaming and yelling, driving you crazy?
*cut to: video of Charlie covering his ears as small child sits in chair, with loud SFX added*
Is your child clawing at your heart? Think there's no answer? You're so stupid! There is! Monsters University! Finally, there's an elegant, solid entertainment for children!
*cut to: video of Charlie watching Monsters University with a small child*
I couldn't hear anything!
Is your child handicapped? Is your child fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn't matter, because all children can enjoy it! Monsters University: Enroll today! Come on down to your local movie theater! We're the hoooooooome of the original Monsters University!
*Charlie roars sensuously*
Grade: B
Stray Observations:
- Before you say anything about the review, please note that Charlie Day has a supporting role in the film, which isn't much of an excuse, but hey, I really wanted to do a review like this. Now I need to find a new gimmick for when I review Pacific Rim...
- Yeah, it was pretty solid children's entertainment, although not up to the gold standard Pixar set before. Brave was better (although I'm still kind of pissed at it, since it stole the Best Animated Feature Oscar that was rightfully Wreck-It Ralph's).
- The climax was very inspired, as Mike and Sully construct an average horror movie (with creepy dolls, old records that suddenly start playing, and quick flashes) to scare a series of adults.
- The plot was slightly less predictable than I thought it would be, so even when Pixar is coasting, they're still not coasting that much.
- The Pixar Short Film
The short before the film was The Blue Umbrella. It was a thoroughly charming little romance about a blue umbrella who falls in love with a red umbrella. What I cared about the most was the animation, which is some of the most photorealistic I've seen yet. There are shots in there which I would have otherwise assumed were live-action.
- Since I got to the theater early enough, I got to watch First Look Play, which is like regular First Look, but, you know, for kids. In fact, "you know, for kids" was actually used when introducing First Look Play, since kids are bound to get Coen Brothers jokes.
- First Look Play
The Smurfs 2: I'd make puns with "smurf" (like "I want to smurfing die" or "Smurf me with a chainsaw"), but then I would be letting them win. No, I will instead say that I cannot bear to live in a world where this is acceptable children's entertainment.
The Legends of Chima: Yeah, no.
Nerf Super Soaker: The only reason I paid any attention to this commercial was that I liked imagining it, but with real guns.
- Trailers I Saw Before the Show
Despicable Me 2: Meh.
Frozen: Eh.
Turbo: Feh.
Planes: Ugh.
Nymphomaniac: I am not quite sure why the theater thought that children would want to see this. Sure, Antichrist had that uproarious nut-shot scene, but still.
Hello, Charlie Kelly here! Local business owner, and monster enthusiast! Is your small child making too much noise all the time? Is your child constantly screaming and yelling, driving you crazy?
*cut to: video of Charlie covering his ears as small child sits in chair, with loud SFX added*
Is your child clawing at your heart? Think there's no answer? You're so stupid! There is! Monsters University! Finally, there's an elegant, solid entertainment for children!
*cut to: video of Charlie watching Monsters University with a small child*
I couldn't hear anything!
Is your child handicapped? Is your child fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn't matter, because all children can enjoy it! Monsters University: Enroll today! Come on down to your local movie theater! We're the hoooooooome of the original Monsters University!
*Charlie roars sensuously*
Grade: B
Stray Observations:
- Before you say anything about the review, please note that Charlie Day has a supporting role in the film, which isn't much of an excuse, but hey, I really wanted to do a review like this. Now I need to find a new gimmick for when I review Pacific Rim...
- Yeah, it was pretty solid children's entertainment, although not up to the gold standard Pixar set before. Brave was better (although I'm still kind of pissed at it, since it stole the Best Animated Feature Oscar that was rightfully Wreck-It Ralph's).
- The climax was very inspired, as Mike and Sully construct an average horror movie (with creepy dolls, old records that suddenly start playing, and quick flashes) to scare a series of adults.
- The plot was slightly less predictable than I thought it would be, so even when Pixar is coasting, they're still not coasting that much.
- The Pixar Short Film
The short before the film was The Blue Umbrella. It was a thoroughly charming little romance about a blue umbrella who falls in love with a red umbrella. What I cared about the most was the animation, which is some of the most photorealistic I've seen yet. There are shots in there which I would have otherwise assumed were live-action.
- Since I got to the theater early enough, I got to watch First Look Play, which is like regular First Look, but, you know, for kids. In fact, "you know, for kids" was actually used when introducing First Look Play, since kids are bound to get Coen Brothers jokes.
- First Look Play
The Smurfs 2: I'd make puns with "smurf" (like "I want to smurfing die" or "Smurf me with a chainsaw"), but then I would be letting them win. No, I will instead say that I cannot bear to live in a world where this is acceptable children's entertainment.
The Legends of Chima: Yeah, no.
Nerf Super Soaker: The only reason I paid any attention to this commercial was that I liked imagining it, but with real guns.
- Trailers I Saw Before the Show
Despicable Me 2: Meh.
Frozen: Eh.
Turbo: Feh.
Planes: Ugh.
Nymphomaniac: I am not quite sure why the theater thought that children would want to see this. Sure, Antichrist had that uproarious nut-shot scene, but still.